Plumbers Don't Wear Ties: A Video Walkthrough

We'd like to welcome our readers to a very special event. For the first time ever, we will be presenting a full video walkthrough of a game, the 3DO title Plumbers Don't Wear Ties. PDWT was billed as an "adult choose your own adventure story" in which you try to help a poor down on his luck plumber named John score with an attractive girl.

There is little actual gameplay to be found in Plumbers. All the player does is watch a "scene" consisting of a series of still photos accompanied with some elementary-school-play-level dialogue and then chooses the main character's next move at the end of the action. Think of this game as Leisure Suit Larry meets Dragon's Lair, only less advanced.

If you think you're ready for this kind of intense action, send the kids off to bed, put on some Barry White, pour yourself a stiff drink and join our hosts, Pinky and Jumpman, as they dive into the world of Plumbers Don't Wear Ties!

Warning: This recap contains footage of what might possibly be the worst video game of all time and might contain scenes objectionable to anyone with good taste.

This is gonna be fun! I love the plumbers! I wonder if they're going to fight that nasty Bowser again!

You're thinking of the wrong plumbers. I think these plumbers are going to do a little more than jump on turtles and eat mushrooms. Are you even sure you're old enough to be watching this?

Sure I am! It's not like we're watching that hardcore porn from Mass Effect.

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties: The Intro

Hello Jane, I'm Pinky and I want to be your friend!

Man, dig that awesome acting ability. She might as well just hang a big sign around her neck that says "I'm a huge sloot!" and save some time. Talk about the Sledgehammer of Plot....

Well I think she's a perfectly nice girl. Let's choose Gimme The Full Story and get this party started!

Gimme The Full Story

Wow, that is so disturbing on so many levels. Maybe we can just forget the video walkthrough and do a quick recap.

Oh c'mon, it can only get better from here. Besides, it stars John Stamos, I loved him in Full House!

I don't think that was John Stamos. Not even his career was in bad enough shape to force him to appear in this garbage. Anyway, what should we do first? Maybe we should just let the meeting wait and kill this monstrosity before it can disturb anything else.

No Way! We should make the first move! Don't let her get away!

I've got a bad feeling about this...

He Makes A First Move

That's an awesome tie! He sure has style.

I thought plumbers didn't wear ties.

Shhhh! Jane doesn't know that, she probably doesn't own a 3DO.

With games like this I'm not suprised. So now what? Maybe we should just hold back and wait awhile, or at least take off that stupid tie.

No way! Full speed ahead! Jane will be ours!

John Pursues Jane

Wait, where did those flowers come from? And who is that creepy Harry dude at the end of every scene? He looks like that Lesko guy from the infomercials.

We probably shouldn't think too hard about these things. Besides, we have a date tonight! I think we beat the first level!

All those Star Bear movies don't look so low tech all of the sudden...

Hmm, I guess we're playing as that creepy boss guy now, what should we do?

I don't like the first and last choices, those look way too suspicious. Let's go with the middle one, turn poor Jane away.

Jeez Jumpman, you're so mean. Just because you could never find work doesn't mean that you should punish other people for it. Besides, look at that guy, he doesn't look like a perv, lets go with the third choice.

The Hairball Takes Advantage

Wow, what a jerk! What's wrong with you, Pinky? Why did you pick this choice?

Ummmm........I thought he would see the error of his ways and offer her the job out of the kindness of his heart?

Riiiight. Let's just have her run away and save our dignity, ok?

Ok, I guess...

Decline The Proposal

Well.....that was spirited.

Poor Lesko, all he wanted to do was tell a story. But I think this means that we've beaten the second level!

That's a funny way of showing it. I suppose we should save Jane now. But both of those choices look exactly the same.

Let's try the first choice. Time to kick that creepy old man's butt!

Heroically Saving Jane

A banana peel, really? Did they all get drunk all of the sudden?

I think I saw a sequence like this on the Benny Hill Show once.

Nah, I think Benny Hill made way more sense than this. Dude, was that a pager? That is so early 90's!

I think we've lost all touch with reality. Hey! It's Lesko! Maybe he'll save us from the mayhem!

Let's just take the old man's money and escape this misery, shall we?

No Way! We've got to keep fighting! Reject the offer!

Reject The Offer

Awww, it's getting sappy.....Well, it was anyway.

Oh wow, the production values are so amazing! They kept the bloopers in the actual game!

Maybe they didn't have a big enough budget to go back and fix it.

Wait a minute! I think we've finally beaten the game! Finally, our torment is over!

Hold on, what's that one choice? Something different? We should totally pick that one.

No! Don't you dare push that button! Let's just do the Hollywood ending and wrap this up.

Fine, you're no fun at all.

Hollywood Ending

That was fun! Definitely the best $30 I've ever spent!

What are you talking about? That was horrible! I hope nobody actually spent any money on this garbage when it first came out.

That's kind of harsh, don't you think? I think that it was a touching story of two young people finding love against all odds. Sure, the acting might have been a little off and they might have broken the fourth wall a few times. But you can't deny the heart behind the story.

Riiiiiight.......Anyway, I hope everyone has enjoyed our interesting journey into the world of Plumbers Don't Wear Ties. We'd also like to thank YouTube user Hormone1994 for putting all of this online so we wouldn't have to actually go out buy this game ourselves.

Good night everybody!

Pink Godzilla would like to apologize for any brain damage or loss of faith in the video game industry incurred while reading/watching this post.