Wii Light Guns

The original NES Zapper gun was great. Who doesn't remember putting the Zapper right on the TV screen to get all the ducks in Duck Hunt. The Super Scope was even better because it was so much bigger. It was like some sort of futuristic space bazooka. Sure, there was only one game cartridge with only 6 games but it looked so cool. History has clearly taught us that bigger is better. The new Wii light gun is certainly cool looking. It has a sort of sleek phaser look to it that would look great playing a game of Dead Rising.

But we think that it can be a little bigger and cooler. Something that will inspire and awe your gaming buddies. Something that will require a seat of its own on your couch....Let's see those zombies try to eat my neighbors now!

Meet the Wii-TOW Missile Launcher Light Gun. At five feet long and four feet tall it's 1000 pounds of hardcore gaming action. It takes at least 3 people to operate and the light burst emitted from it will immediately fry most plasma screen TVs, but that stupid Duck Hunt dog will never laugh at you again once you plug this into your Wiimote.

Wii Power Glove

The Power Glove was a great idea. It reacted to your arm's movements to control the action onscreen. It was the godfather of the current Wii controller. The only downside was that it didn't work. It's only real functionality was to wear to school to really impress your friends. In the 80's, the Power Glove translated into major cool points.

Right now there appear to be no plans to resurrect the Power Glove since the Wii-mote does everything the Glove could and it actually works. However, we at PGSTC Labs believe that the Power Glove concept deserves another chance. But why stop at a simple glove that reads only arm movement when we can create a full body glove that reads every single move you make and translates it on the screen.

Introducing the Wii Power Body Glove. It's the closest thing you'll get to being in the game. Thousands and thousands of tiny sensors in every nook and cranny, translating your movements to the on-screen action. Now you won't be able to blame the controller when you screw up a jump because you are the controller. Think of how exciting the DOA butt-bumping minigame would be in the Wii Power Body Glove! Moreover, the Wii Power Body Glove could potentially usher in a new generation of music games reminiscent of the Sega CD days. Imagine playing Marky Mark, INXS or Kris Kross on the Wii Virtual Console while wearing the Wii Power Body Glove. Rumor has it that the Wiiologists are trying to integrate rumble technology in to the skin tight suit. Yeah, FEEL THE VIBRATION! Let's hope they can pull it off.

The Wii Arcade Uber-Joysick

Arcade Joysicks are great. They have lots of big buttons and they just look cool. The NES Advantage was Nintendo's first attempt, and a later SNES version made playing Street Fighter 2 feel more like a trip to the arcade (but without some cheapass punk with his even more cheapass Chun-Li wiping the floor with you).

Microsoft was on to something when they came up with the Steel Battalion Controller. This monster cost $200 and looked like something found on a fighter jet. Best of all, it only worked for one game and it isn't even compatible with the Xbox 360.

To date, there has been no news from Nintendo regarding a first party Wii arcade stick, so our Wiiologists thought they would take matters into their own hands and fill this apparent accessory void in the Wii line up. Chief fungineer Number Johnny Five's goal was simple - create a controller to trump the Steel Battalion Controller in terms of size, complexity, price and complete lack of utility. Fourteen years of R&D led to this monstrosity.

Introducing the Wii Omni-Arcade Stick! Cut from the cockpit of an actual space shuttle, this complete arcade system not only has every button from every game controller ever created, and a turbo and slow-motion feature, but it can also break the sound barrier on re-entry. Yep, this baby is so complex, that it requires 12 years of graduate school just to figure out the basic control set up. And just to stick it to Steel Battalion's costly uselessness, this accessory is compatible for only one short level in only one game and costs more than the entire GNP of Ghana.

There you have it, a few of the ultimate Wii-cessories that our PGSTC Wiiologists are coming up with in time for launch. Be sure to pre-order them now.