Unfortunately, from section 119, Pink Godzilla's trusty model number USG-001 was unable to ensnare all the "1's" and "0's" being transmitted from section 123 and Club 227. The download failed. It must have been all that wind the Mariners were creating as they whiffed on those Johann Santana fastballs.

So what is the Nintendo Fan Network? Starting sometime this season, gamers looking for something better to do than watch the Mariners lose at Safeco Field will now be able to bring their NDS and get connected. Once on the NintenNet you can order food (mmmm....garlic fries), watch live video highlights, check box scores from other games, review player stats and play trivia games.

So it looks as though there will be something to look forward to at Safeco this year after all. Not from Seattle? Don't worry. Rumor has it that all major league parks will be equipped for maximum touching soon! Market analysts expect the NDS to do what Gil Meche couldn't - single-handedly double the attendance at Kansas City Royals games from 7 to 14 fans a game.